Peter was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer in July 2020. We were told that with aggressive chemo he could have 6 months – 5 years. Miraculously, he went into remission after his first round of chemo. The side effects of the chemo were bearable and generally Peter made us all feel comfortable with his treatment. He had another round of chemo to make sure they had got all the cancer. In late January he had a scan to investigate some pain he was having and once again had to get back on the roundabout of treatment. Peter made us believe that all was going well and hopeful, kept our spirits up and all of us believing in a reprieve from treatment and this aggressive cancer. 

My brother and Sister-in-law, Lynne, have long been advocates of VAD and as a family we all agree that to die with dignity is preferable to living in a fog of pain and treatment. My brother chose to discontinue chemo treatment 8 days before he passed away. Peter was in excruciating pain that was being treated as well as Palliative care could treat it, keeping him as comfortable as possible and providing him with an acceptable quality of life. The Palliative Care team were incredibly caring and supportive of everything Peter needed for remaining at home, something he and Lynne both wanted. They were available any time of day or night and they gave my brother the opportunity to be present each day.

As Peter grew weaker and his days became less fulfilling, he began to discuss his options with Lynne, concluding that he would certainly exercise the VAD option that, thankfully, was available to him. Peter’s last 2 days were incredible! Even the weather, as one of my wise nephews-in-law said, was empathetic, “choreographed” to suit the mood. The day was stunning and mild on the Tuesday when the family gathered to spend our last day/s with my brother. We hung around together, the grandchildren played together, and the colours were brilliant and clear. The following day we went there in the late afternoon, as this was the day my brother chose to go.  Again the weather obliged with exquisite dark purple clouds, a slanting sun highlighting the intensity of all the different greens, and a warm breeze gently caressing us. Peter was outside drinking in this beauty. We had Thai food for dinner, a last request from my brother. He needed his usual after dinner walk. And then, incredulously, in the early evening all grandchildren came to the park to play one last time with their “Opsie” (Peter). The moon had a halo around it and the stars were starting to appear. A warm breeze was blowing. We went home and Peter said it was time, after the most perfect day! We were privileged to be there, to each get a last hug and a joke about the way we are and then Peter took the medication and fell into a deep and painless sleep. 

 Was he sure about his choice? Without a doubt!!

 And the rain came down!